The uses of I instead of me, me instead of I, and
myself instead of me are a few of the most common mistakes made in both written and spoken English. I have written about this issue before. However, I don’t like to look at my previous blog posts when I write new ones, so I can present a current and fresh perspective of the issues. So, once again let’s talk about I, me, and myself and straighten it out.
Here are some sentences in which I, me, and myself are used correctly:
- My friend and I are going out to lunch.
- Would you like to come with him and me?
- Between you and me, I think she cheated on the test.
- Please give the report to Hank and me.
- I myself made these delicious brownies!
- I fixed the gate myself because no one was here to help me.
Here are some sentences in which I, me, and myself are used incorrectly:
- Me and my friend are going out to lunch.
- Would you like to come with him and I?
- Between you and I, I don’t think I can keep this secret.
- Please give those cookies to my friend and I.
- Give the report to both the director and myself.
- He and myself are representing the company at the conference.
Let’s start at the beginning. The words I, me, and myself are all pronouns, words that take the place of nouns. And they are very convenient: Masie brought her guitar with her instead of Masie brought Masie’s guitar with Masie.
- I, me, and myself are called “first-person pronouns.” (also my and mine)
- We, us, our, ours, and ourselves are the plural first-person pronouns.
- You and yourself are called “second-person pronouns.” (also your and yours)
- He, him, himself, she, her, herself, it, and itself are called “third-person pronouns.” (also hers, his, and its)
- They, them, themselves, their, and theirs are the plural third-person pronouns.
Okay. that is all well and good. But how do you know whether to use I or me or myself?
If you don’t want to think about grammar, there are a couple of guidelines you can use:
- I is generally used before the verb, or action word. Me generally comes after the verb unless the verb is the “to be” verb without another verb (is, are, was, etc.): It is I (most people say it is me, but it is I is correct).
- I is generally used at the beginning of a sentence, and me would be used later in the sentence.
But these guidelines don’t work all the time, so let’s talk about the grammar.
Cases
The difference between I and me is case. Pronouns have case. There are three cases (but in other languages there are five or seven or eight cases, and nouns have cases too.) Cases are important only in pronouns in the English language. The three cases are subjective (or nominative), objective, and possessive. We are dealing only with subjective and objective today. Subjective case is used for subjects. Objective case is used for objects.
Subjects
Subjects are often at the beginning of the sentence; they are the doers of the verb action.
- I went to the party.
- Joe and I went to the party.
- After the game, I am going to the movies.
If there is more than one subject, it doesn’t matter. It is still I. Therefore the following sentence is incorrect:
- Me and Joe went to the party. First of all, me should be I. Second of all, out of politeness we always put the other person first.
Objects
There are three types of objects. Two of them generally come after the verb. One type can be anywhere in the sentence.
- He kicked me. (Direct object. He kicked who?)
- He threw me the ball. (Indirect object. Ball is direct object)
- He threw the ball to me. (object of the preposition to.)
If there is more than one object, IT DOESN”T CHANGE ANYTHING! Me doesn’t suddenly change to I when another person is added:
- He kicked him and me. (not him and I)
- He threw him and me the ball. (not him and I)
- He threw the ball to him and me. (not him and I)
Myself
Myself has special uses and is not interchangeable with either I or me. Basically, the rule is that if you use myself, the subject of the sentence must be I.
- I myself made that delicious chocolate cake. (called an intensive pronoun here because it emphasizes I)
- I made that cake myself. (called a reflexive pronoun here because it bounces back to I.)
Myself could be used as an object: I lay myself down to sleep.
The rule follows in second and third person as well: Don’t use yourself unless you is the subject. Don’t use himself unless he is the subject. And so on.
What About Second and Third Person Pronouns?
No difference. For subjects, use we, he, she, they. These are all subjective case pronouns.
For objects, use us, him, her, them. These are all objective case pronouns.
Comparison
There is another little confusion with I and me — in comparisons:
- She likes chocolate more than me.
Hmmm….does this mean that she likes chocolate more than I like chocolate? Or does it mean that she likes chocolate more than she likes me? We would assume she means the former. But from the way it is said, it actually means the latter! To know whether to use I or me in comparison, fill in the “missing” words. You don’t need to actually say or write them, but fill them in just in your head to know which pronoun to use:
- She likes chocolate more than (she likes) me.
- She likes chocolate more than I (do).
So the correct way to say it is probably She likes chocolate more than I.
Grammar Diva News
I was away, so my latest book is a little behind schedule. However, it should be out later this summer. I am still working on the title, although the book is nearly done. Working title right now is:
The Grammar Diva Presents – Does Your Flamingo Flamenco? The Best Little Dictionary of Confusing Words and Malapropisms
Quite a mouthful, huh?
I was substituting in a 4th grade class yesterday. One of my tasks was to edit the students’ thank you letters to another teacher.
One student wrote: “My mother liked the play and my brother.” So I asked her, “So your mother liked the play and she likes your brother too?”
Being that English is many of these kids’ second language, I’m more patient with them. I think she finally got it. We changed the sentence to read: “My mother and brother liked the play.”
I’m trying.
Keep writing your wonderful blogs, Arlene!
Thanks for that comment. That is such an easy type of mistake to make. Sometimes I even think it comes about because we think we finish the sentence, but then remember we forgot something, so we just stick it on the end, causing confusion. Thanks for your work on grammar with these students you teach!!! You did good, as they say. Funny, how I almost wrote “Thanks for your work with these kids on grammar,” instead, which doesn’t sound as good, as the “kids aren’t on grammar.” But that is how I pieced the sentence together in my head.
If I knock on a door and the person on the other side says, “Who is it?” the answer “It is I” will almost always draw attention to that “I” rather than to the message (it’s Murray knocking).
“It is I” might have been acceptable 50 years ago, but these days it’s problematical–maybe not in a grammar book but where language really matters: in everyday life.
Perhaps it’s a matter of context. Take “Me and my friend are going out to lunch.” Among upper-class folks, that usage might grate on the ear. But among many members of the working class, it might seem just right. Likewise, “Me and my shadow” works better than “I and my shadow” or even “My shadow and I.”
I get it that a certain class of language users has the power to label usage as “correct” or “standard”–but if we want to understand living English, those labels may be problematical. They may even reinforce classicism–(“My usage is better than yours”) which is yet another way of dividing one group from another.
There’s a wonderful scene about this in a Dizzy Dean, bio-pic. Dean, a sensational baseball pitcher who became a radio sports announcer, was attacked by some people for his lower-class speech. For sure, he did make grammatical “mistakes,” but the masses loved how he called a game. And nothing horrible–that I know of–came from the way he used language.
Book title perfect; use it.
Thank you! It won’t look the whole thing is actually the title on the cover design, but I need to call it all the title for the reasons I described in my response to Linda Jay.
Thank you for Me? Myself? Or I? I cannot believe how often Me and I are used incorrectly in everyday conversations, on TV and radio. Please keep spreading the word.
Thanks for the comment. I will try my best!
Yesss!!! And how many times I’ve heard something similar to “She likes chocolate more than me”!! One wonders…
The “Me and my friend” example is heard millions of times. I sometimes find myself (hope it’s used correctly, here) explaining to my students things that are wrong but heard many times both in movies and in series – or even songs – and struggling to make them see that we, teachers, try to show them the correct thing to say, or the most appropriate thing to say. However, everyday vocabulary gets in the way.
Thanks for sharing always useful and interesting stufff, Arlene.
Keep it up!!
ALEJANDRA
Thanks for the comment! Yes, it is important for students to know that when they write a letter for college admission, they use formal, correct English. When they talk with their friends, they can speak any way they want. Or they can se correct English all the time, which would be nice!
Hi, Arlene,
Re: the working title of your forthcoming book. As a publishing professional, I would delete “The Best Little Dictionary of…” Makes the title way too long.
How do I thank you enough for turning the spotlight on confusing pronouns in this blog? I have heard SO MANY otherwise well-educated people say things like, “Me and my friend went to the movies.” This makes me think that their teachers were uneducated. “Me and my friend…” should go into the dustbin of history, immediately!
Thanks for the comment. Let me explain the title. It was originally The Best Little Dictionary of Confused Words and Malapropisms with no subtitle at that time. That is the branding to make the title like my other titles. But it was dull and someone suggested something with flamingo and flamenco. However, that doesn’t fit as the subtitle. It’s catchy, so I like it. I can’t do it as the title with the “Best Little” as the subtitle because Amazon’s program automatically inserts a colon between title and subtitle. Since Does Your Flamingo Flamenco ends in a question mark, that would put a question mark and then a colon right in a row. It looks dumb. Been there, done that.Then, I need the word grammar in the title for search purposes. Hence the long title, but it all depends on how it looks on the cover, not that I submit that whole thing as the official title with Amazon.