JOKES (OK, Riddles)
- How do you wash your hands over the holiday? With Santatizer.
- What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
- How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing. It was on the house.
- If Santa and Mrs. Claus had a baby, what would he be? A subordinate Claus.
- What goes “Oh Oh Oh”? Santa walking backward
- What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
- What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad? A pineapple.
- I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me that nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace. So I bought her nothing.
- A gingerbread man went to the doctor’s complaining of a sore knee. The doctor asked him. “Have you tried icing it?”
- What do you call a Christmas rom-com about bread? Loaf Actually.
- What did the third wise man say after his friends had already presented gold and frankincense? “But wait, there’s myrrh!”
- What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
- What do you call a snowman who vacations in the tropics? A puddle.
- Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose.
- What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
- Why did the snowman turn yellow? Ask the little boy over there.
- How is Christmas exactly like your job? You do all the work and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit.
- What did Adam say the day before Christmas? “It’s Christmas, Eve!”
- The three stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus.
- What do you call a search engine that singes Christmas songs? Michel Googlé.
Quotes
“The way you spend Christmas is far more important than how much.” — Henry David Thoreau
“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.” — Helen Keller
“Christmas will always be as long as we stand heart to heart and hand in hand.” — Dr. Seuss
“Remembrance, like a candle, burns brightest at Christmastime.” — Charles Dickens
“Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone.” — Charles M. Schulz
“What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future.” – Agnes M. Pahro
“We are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmastime.” – Laura Ingalls Wilder
“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.” — Bart Simpson
“One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas Day.” — Andy Rooney
“You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.” — Robert Paul
Happy Holidays to All My Readers! Thank You for Your Support Throughout the Year!
Thanks for all the laughs and smiles!
May 2022 go well for you.
You’re welcome! Have a great new year!
Marvelous! Thank you, Arlene!
A happy and creative 2022!
You are very welcome — and Happy New Year to You!!
Just read these and enjoyed them. Thanks for sharing the goodies!
You are very welcome! And Happy New Year!!!
These jokes were terrific, Arlene. Thanks and Happy New Year!
You are vey welcome, Martha! Happy New Year to You!
Happy Holidays to you and your loved ones, and a very happy New Year!
Agnès
Thank you, Agnes…..same to you!
Thank you for a collection of party’s ice breakers. Ive put them in my “December” files for 2022.
Also loved your obviously healthy, well trained and mellow cat and dog. Other people’s pets are my favorites.
Not my pets….just random photos…but I love dogs.
Thank you-that was the best thing I read today! Merry Christmas to you too!!
Glad to hear it! Happy Holiday Season to you!
Happy Holidays to you as well, Arlene☺
Thank you!
WISHING YOU A HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Thank you! And to you as well!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU!
Thank you! It was !!!