Okay. I have to admit I have done more than my share of online dating. And if I see an it’s instead of its, no capital letters, no periods, or any other grammar or spelling faux pas, I am off to the next profile. But is everyone like me? I would think so. However . . .
One study, by writing platform ProWritingAid, found that men prefer women with poor grammar and are slightly less drawn to well-written profiles. I cannot imagine that, and I think it is sad. Perhaps that is why I have had such bad luck with online dating. This same survey showed that male daters were 10% less likely to initiate a connection with good grammar girls.
But, on the contrary, female daters between 18 and 34 years old were over 300% times more likely to go for a man who hadn’t made any grammatical mistakes; among all ages, women were 39% more likely to connect with a man who had a good grasp of the English language.
The study found that 63% of women say grammar is important, with 53% of men say the same. But those figures don’t reflect the reality.
Lisa Lepki, head of marketing at ProWritingAid, said: “Our hypothesis was that well-written, grammatically correct profiles would be marginally more attractive to daters,” but the results didn’t show that at all.”
Women did indeed prefer well-written profiles, and men received triple the matches if they used good grammar in their profiles.
But men seemed to prefer profiles that are badly written. Why?
Lepki asked, “Do men feel intimidated by women with good grammar? Or do they think they have a better chance with writers of poorly written profiles?”
Tina Wilson, relationship expert and founder of the app Wingman, believes there are two possibilities:
- “One is the man is insecure and if he feels the woman has a higher intellect than themselves they would feel superior and more likely to be the dominant partner. This should, of course, be a red flag to any potential partner as if someone is so insecure they don’t want an intellectual equal or superior, they need to grow up before they start dating.”
- Wilson also thinks that men could also be interpreting more casual grammar as a sign that women aren’t taking themselves too seriously, which might be an attractive trait to them. “Perhaps male daters tend to prefer women who are more relaxed and confident within themselves,” she ventured.
There are, however, varying degrees of errors: Big, obvious mistakes that stand out like a sore thumb – such as the word defiantly instead of definitely – will likely be noted.
So what is it that makes women prefer good grammar?
Wilson explained, “Women on the other hand typically pay close attention to detail. According to our own statistics at Wingman, most women who receive a message starting with ‘hey how r u?’ or any similar shortened words or phrases used in communications or put on a dating profile will firmly land the man in rejection territory.”
The Netherlands Study
A similar study was done in the Netherlands. This study found that spelling mistakes in a dating profile, such as writing teh for the or using iRRegulaR CapS, are perceived as signals of sloppiness or lack of care, which in turn affects the profile holder’s perceived attractiveness. The researchers from Tilburg University had thought that using informal digital communication styles – such as excessive exclamation marks or emoticons – would be seen as kinder. But in fact, those whose grammar was more formal were rated as warmer people.
Command of the written word has been rated highly in other studies of traits that people look for in potential partners. It may seem like a failure of imagination, but language errors can be interpreted as an indicator of poor education or being inattentive, clumsy, or ignorant.
This study, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, had limitations. The sample was small — all mostly “older adults” on one Dutch dating website. It may be that on dating apps serving younger demographics, a good grasp of literacy and convention might be rated less highly.
Linguist Gretchen McCulloch, author of Because Internet: Understanding the New Rules of Language, has explored how written online communication has evolved its own rules, such as using all lowercase to seem relaxed: “If I say everything very formally [with standard capitalisation], then maybe that means I am standing on ceremony, am easily offended, and will be offended if you do, too.”
To find love online, once you weed out those with bad grammar and spelling, what is most important is what happens.when you meet in person. My date will be the one with a book and a red pen!
Thank you to these two online articles.
Yahoo News Article by Lauren Clark
So in conclusion, male dates and above all men are the REAL idiotic ones, and female dates and above all women are the REAL intelligent ones all along then. Go figure😛
Well, that is a generality, but often true I guess!
Very very interesting. Maybe I’m Norwegian.
😉